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I was 17 when I first had sex. It was summertime, and my girlfriend and I would always end up fooling around at my house after going out for the night. On this particular night, things progressed faster than usual and we both ended up in my bed. We had talked about having sex before. She said that she was a virgin and so was I, so sex was an unexplored experience. We had agreed that it wasn't something that we needed to plan- it would happen when we were both ready. That night we both understood that sex was a very real possibility, and we decided together that we were ready.
I remember being very nervous when we began. I didn't know what to do! But I was also excited. I had heard and thought so much about sex, and now here I was experiencing it for the first time. I thought about her and how she was feeling. Does she like it? Is she as nervous/excited as I am about this new experience? Am I getting her off?
A lot of people describe their first sex as awkward, weird, and not that enjoyable. Looking back on that night, I can honestly say that my first sexual experience was great. I had never felt so physically and emotionally connected to someone. Afterwards, though, I felt an extreme amount of guilt. I didn't know if I had made the right choice, if I was really ready or just too into the moment. I wondered if my girlfriend regretted it. I felt that by taking my girlfriend's virginity that I had taken a part of her innocence away.
My girlfriend broke up with me a week after we had sex. Apparantly she had been sleeping with an older guy for awhile while we were still together. After we broke up, I found out that she had slept with one of my friends before we even started dating. Everything that she had told me was a lie. I still regret ever having sex with her.
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I came the first time I had sex. Based on my friends' experiences and stories, that is extremely rare for a woman.
It was lovely, fun, and a bit painful. My boyfriend was extremely considerate. I expected that losing my virginity would change my life. Having regular, healthy sex over time has taught me a great deal, but the experience of the first time was not that climactic. I was ready and happy and proud.
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Terrible. And so incredibly painful. As painful as any injury. Humiliating, awkward, shameful. I wanted to die or disappear or disappear and then die. I hated my body and I wanted to lose my body and shrivel up and live inside my mind. I think that's probably a big part of the reason we aren't together anymore. I'm disgusted by that experience. It still makes me uncomfortable to think about.
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I came the first time I had sex. Based on my friends' experiences and stories, that is extremely rare for a woman.
It was lovely, fun, and a bit painful. My boyfriend was extremely considerate. I expected that losing my virginity would change my life. Having regular, healthy sex over time has taught me a great deal, but the experience of the first time was not that climactic. I was ready and happy and proud.
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Terrible. And so incredibly painful. As painful as any injury. Humiliating, awkward, shameful. I wanted to die or disappear or disappear and then die. I hated my body and I wanted to lose my body and shrivel up and live inside my mind. I think that's probably a big part of the reason we aren't together anymore. I'm disgusted by that experience. It still makes me uncomfortable to think about.
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The first time I was ever inside a woman, I didn't cum. I hadn't been able to cum from handjobs, blowjobs, anything. Only I could make myself cum. And we thought that maybe sex would be it. I got close a number of times, but I never orgasmed. I haven't been inside anyone since, and I still haven't cum from someone else's stimulation. So I guess you could say my first sex was anticlimactic (no pun intended), and when I finally stopped, I was crushed. I worry that I'll never be able to be as close to anyone as I'd like to be. I'm worried that I'll never be able to naturally impregnate my wife. I'm scared even to try again.
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I have had sex with both a girl and a boy... so lucky me I have had two first. The two events are incomparable anyway, and should definitely have their own categories.
The first time I had sex with a woman. I do not remember. Ha. I was at a party my brother was having and it was the first time I've drank and the first time I've smoked and I blacked out. I woke up the next morning in bed with one of my brother's friends. I looked down and I had a condom on. It was probably the one of the most awkward experiences in my life. Nothing good happened that night, I Can tell you that.
The first time I had sex with a boy. And I say boy because we were both 15 and 16- but we were both ready. We talked about it. He grew up next door to me. We were neighbors and best friends as far back as I could remember. I loved him so much. He was my first love, by far.
It's funny, when I think back on it now. We didn't know what it meant to be gay, growing up in a small indiana town where it was weird to be black, nonetheless gay. We grew up with this sense of attraction to each other. To make myself feel better I told myself it was just envy growing to far. I was unattractive, he was very very attractive. I became my own therapist telling myself that I just wanted to be like him so much that I began to idolize him. When puberty hit though, that wasn't the case at all.
I noticed we began hanging out together more than usual. He began to call me. He began to choose to hang out with me over other friends. That was a great feeling. He was so great.
So one particular night we were in our sleeping bags in our family's newly finished basement (that came with a fire place and was being tested out that night). So here we are. In our sleeping bags. Parallel. My feet went one way, his went the other. Our faces met in the middle to make talking easier. And the slowly dying fire in the background. (How could you not have sex with that, right? ha). But... anyway, Bryan liked to talk about his feelings a lot which I loved. And he was telling me how much he appreciated me as a friend which, I don't know if you've ever experienced it as I have, but when you truly appreciate someone's existence and to hear them tell you that they appreciate you too... It's amazing. And so he is going on and on and stuff... beginning to ramble. I simply turn my head and watch him as he talks. Smile a little and laugh. He stops talking. Keeps staring up at the moving fan. Then moves his head and looks at me. And we kissed. It wasn't a he kissed me or I kissed him. We both took a chance and happened to meet in the middle.
Details will be spared of that night but it was a night of discoveries. Us trying things out seeing who was best fit for what. In sex among two men, especially as young as we, it isn't apparent who took what roles. Who was supposed to do what. It was a lot of try and see. Try and see what fits where. Try and see what feels good. By the end of the night we had it down though. We were the perfect fit.
We were secretly dating after that. Just two guy friends who would play nintendo, take walks in the woods playing army. And occasionally fuck during sleep overs. Normal, right? haha
This went on till our senior year in high school when He broke the news to me that he was going to Purdue while I was going to IU. We were both devastated and didn't know what to do.
Um... but yeah. The summer before college started he actually got into a car accident with his brother. And he was killed.
I don't mean to bog you all down with this story. It's not a very good story, but one that obviously means a lot to me. One that I cannot tell very many people out of respect for Bryan's privacy. You see, we never came out. We never talked about coming out either. I don't know if he wanted to or not. His family has no idea. Or so I assume. I love him too much to mess with his family idea of him after his death. Not my place.
Again. Sorry about the story. I guess I'm afraid if I don't tell it or talk to people about it every once in a while... I'll forget it.
I don't want to forget it.
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The first time I had sex I was 16 and I had been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year. My boyfriend was oober religious and intending on saving himself for marriage. While this wasn't a problem to me at all, I still knew that I loved him and I would be happy to give my virginity to him, but I wasn't about to make him do something he didn't want to do (suddenly I feel like the boy in this story ha)
The summer after our sophomore year I got invited to go to his lake house with his family. One night we were watching a movie downstairs, everyone had gone to bed and we started fooling around. Suddenly, he stood me up and led me to the laundry room in the basement of the lake house. I can't remember exactly how he let me know but basically, he made it known he wanted to try and "put it in" (such mature dirty talk right?). He didn't have a condom but he said he didn't really want to have sex, he just wanted to stick it in for a minute. I didn't really understand his logic but quite frankly I was terrified and would have done anything he wanted me to do...which I ended up doing at my expense.
The first attempt at penetration was embarrasing and painful. I wasn't turned on at all therefore outside lubrication was necessary. The first thing my boyfriends eye landed on was L'Oreal No-Tears grape scented shampoo.........(I wish I was kidding).......I agreed but hesitantly, I felt very unsafe. Sometimes I think boys forget that anything used during sex goes INSIDE the girls body. After he lubed up, I sat up on top of the washer and prepared myself. My boyfriend stood between my legs, began to enter me. I remember it stung really bad at first but then he froze. He suddenly backed up...and told me to, "get out". He'd changed his mind. He didn't want to do it anymore. Humiliated and shaking I jumped down, grabbed my clothes and ran up to my room. I had to spend three more days at the lake with him and his family while he pretended that nothing had happened. A week later we broke up. Despite the fact that he and I never technically had sex this to me will always be my first time.
The first time I had sex I was 16 and I had been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year. My boyfriend was oober religious and intending on saving himself for marriage. While this wasn't a problem to me at all, I still knew that I loved him and I would be happy to give my virginity to him, but I wasn't about to make him do something he didn't want to do (suddenly I feel like the boy in this story ha)
The summer after our sophomore year I got invited to go to his lake house with his family. One night we were watching a movie downstairs, everyone had gone to bed and we started fooling around. Suddenly, he stood me up and led me to the laundry room in the basement of the lake house. I can't remember exactly how he let me know but basically, he made it known he wanted to try and "put it in" (such mature dirty talk right?). He didn't have a condom but he said he didn't really want to have sex, he just wanted to stick it in for a minute. I didn't really understand his logic but quite frankly I was terrified and would have done anything he wanted me to do...which I ended up doing at my expense.
The first attempt at penetration was embarrasing and painful. I wasn't turned on at all therefore outside lubrication was necessary. The first thing my boyfriends eye landed on was L'Oreal No-Tears grape scented shampoo.........(I wish I was kidding).......I agreed but hesitantly, I felt very unsafe. Sometimes I think boys forget that anything used during sex goes INSIDE the girls body. After he lubed up, I sat up on top of the washer and prepared myself. My boyfriend stood between my legs, began to enter me. I remember it stung really bad at first but then he froze. He suddenly backed up...and told me to, "get out". He'd changed his mind. He didn't want to do it anymore. Humiliated and shaking I jumped down, grabbed my clothes and ran up to my room. I had to spend three more days at the lake with him and his family while he pretended that nothing had happened. A week later we broke up. Despite the fact that he and I never technically had sex this to me will always be my first time.
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